So, when I look back at my blog and see a list-type post that's not very thoughtful, I feel ashamed. So I plan to commit to writing posts only about those things that truly matter to me, that make me who I am, rather than posts that feel like they've been written because I am trying to keep up with the post once a week guide I set for myself.
"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."--Joseph Campbell
Although this will probably surprise almost no one, I really want to write a book. Or two. But, over a lifetime, I have built up this huge carapace of excuses I don't think I can shed.
What does this carapace consist of? All kinds of reasons (I don't have the time. I am not interesting. All the good stuff has already been told. What's the point?). But, at heart, it's fear. I guess maybe I can concede that I am a decent writer, but if I try to write a book and even finish writing one, what if I can't get it published? Or, even worse, I share it with Dale or my students and they have to admit that I was right all along--I am not cut out for writing after all.
See, if I don't ever try, I won't have to face that. I know that sounds silly, but I have thought about it a lot and I think that's really it (the cave that Campbell mentions in the quote I posted above). If I don't face the "cave", then I can continue to believe what people (okay--a few teachers, some students, Dale, my mother) have told me--that I can really write. Which I have never entirely believed anyway.