BLAH BLAH BLAH

I have started five different blog posts today and discarded each idea.  I'm not ready to go back and tell more of the C. story, but I don't know what to do now.

Some of the posts I have started and discarded, either for being boring, repetitive, uninspired or all of the above:

1. Humphrey and working with fearful dogs in general, which led me to think of idea #2
2. about Barney, Fritch devil dog
3. about being a worrier and how gardening can help me deal
4. honesty and how I think it's overrated/used as an excuse for bad behavior
5. about a recent documentary I watched, Going Clear
6. saying sorry

Just yuck.

Now, if a student were coming to me with this problem (lots of ideas, no sense of direction), I'd probably say, "Just pick one and start writing.  It does not have to be the perfect idea. Writing is a process BLAH BLAH BLAH."  

Or, I might take a more philosophical approach, "Hmmmm.  What is it that you REALLY want to write about?  Why aren't you writing about that?"

Right now both those sentiments make me want to punch myself in the face, especially the second one.  Yes, it's true--there is something that's been on my mind a lot, but I feel scared (or something) to write about it.  

Long story short: huge conflict in my family between two people I really love, who both made mistakes and are both being stubborn about reconciliation.  And, really, I just want to say something along the lines of, "GET OVER IT ALREADY."  

It's out of my control and it's just a pile of unsettledness perched on the edge of my psyche.  And it seems like I am the one most bothered by it all even though I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Not only can I not really write about it, but I feel like I can't write about anything else either. 

ARGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGH. 

Here's an irrelevant, but cheering, photo: 

Barney Fritch in an awfully dishonest angelic pose